I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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