i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
