He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
