Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
