I hate all girls vehemently.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
