i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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