So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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