God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
