we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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