he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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