I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Farmville is her only friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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