There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
