Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize