Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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