hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
