well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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