No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
