I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i now understand why vodka
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
