It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
