Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
