mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
