i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
