Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
