Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can I color on your dick again?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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