he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
