onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
