she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
