so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
