K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
