who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
