Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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