yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
