If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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