Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
