She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
