mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
