Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
