would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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