I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need water and some morals
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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