The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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