How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You took a bar mat shot.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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