didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
