he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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