her vagine was all disorganized.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
