If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
