Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
