yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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