Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
