I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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