4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
