I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
