I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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