we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
