I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
