You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
