she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
