Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
