I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
