She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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