just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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